Chaotic Crew:Campaign/Chapter 04/Choice Quotes

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Chapter 4:

Jeysie: New Mosaic, too. http://transformers-mosaic.deviantart.com/art/TRAINED-71001871

Ascii: Whee! Spacechoochoo!

Jeysie: I have to admit, though, I agree with this comment on the IDW forums: "Nice. Sadly, as everyone REALLY knows, Astrotrain's idea of true power is... an army of remote-control trains. Seriously. An army of remote-control trains running on Ore-13. We all know that's Astrotrain's grand scheme."


Jeysie: Blitzwing did pretty well in Triple Takeover. Astrotrain? Not so much. Maybe that's why Galvatron kept him around. He's too stupid to seriously try anything.

Ascii: Poor Spacechoochoo. Nobody takes him seriously, they're all too busy fawning over Tankjetman.


Jeysie: This is kind of funny: http://www.worcestermass.com/pronounce/

Jeysie: I guess the pronunciation thing is funny to me because my Michigan-born aunt was always making a big deal of it.

Ascii: Heh. The Michigan Nag?

Jeysie: Oh, no. She's a very nice woman. Just a bit perplexed by some of MA's quirks.

Ascii: As are we all, Jeysie. As are we all.


Jeysie: Sometimes I wonder if I could hack living anywhere else. I might have to be... normal.

Ascii: I need to bring you down here for a visit sometime.

Jeysie: Why, is it weird?

Ascii: Weird? Nah, just much different from your MA. For one thing, all our streets are two-way.

Jeysie: Well, your cities were likely built later. Like, later enough that fitting more than a horse and buggy was a thought in the heads of the planners.


Ascii: Side note: You were right, it says right here [in this Guide to Massachusetts] that most grocery stores don't sell alcohol. Freaky... *every* grocery store here sells beer and wine. You only have to go to the Alcoholic Beverage Control store to get the stronger stuff.

Jeysie: Did I say that? It's true, though. The only grocery store chain I can think of off-hand that sells alcohol is Stop 'N Shop. Otherwise you have to go to either a liquor store or a package store. And, the Blue Laws were actually repealed not that long ago, I think. Must be an old list.

Jeysie: Still, it's one of MA's many quirks. We're strongly Democratic/liberal, but we also have a high percentage of Christians and we retained the vestiges of our Puritan beginnings a lot longer than most places.

Ascii: Demochristitaneral?


Jeysie: I do remember you guys being perplexed by fluffernutter. Well, the word, at least. But then, I think Marshmallow Fluff is actually an MA invention.

Ascii: I love the word itself. It has a happy ring to it... and maybe vaguely perverted, somehow. But yah, I love da fluff, especially on graham crackers. I don't generally make sandwiches out of it, since as the article said, spreading it on bread is a b----*.


Jeysie: Well, fluff does have a meaning in the porn industry.

Ascii: I know, that's what I was referencing. Plus... well, it's white, and sticky...


Jeysie: I do wonder why we call [ice cream trucks] ding-dong carts, though. Maybe they used to have actual bells. Nowadays they just play insipid prerecorded music.

Ascii: Maybe instead of a fugly RV...

Jeysie: A transforming ding-dong cart?

Ascii: ...we can have an ice cream truck converted into a Mad Max-style battle wagon.

Jeysie: As long as we keep the speaker. It's just not a ding-dong cart without the dorky music.

Ascii: Of course. Maybe it plays "Ride of the Valkyries"...

Jeysie: Or "Flight of the Bumblebee".


-> BLusk has joined sq.

BLusk: Don't mind me... I'll just drop dead in the corner.


BLusk: Just had a long and frustrating day.

BLusk: *exhales all his worries in a long breath*

BLusk: Okay, someone else breathe in all my troubles.

BLusk: ACK! No, they're coming back to me!


BLusk: So, seriously, what's up?

Jeysie: We're thinking the d20 Modern game should have a transforming ding-dong cart converted into a battle wagon, but with the speaker still intact.

BLusk: "Come and get your hot, fresh, chocolatey ding-dongs from my CANNON!"

Ascii: See what happens when you're not here to keep an eye on us?

BLusk: You come up with the best ideas ever?


Jeysie: A ding-dong cart sells ice cream, Bri.

BLusk: Really?

Jeysie: Yes.

BLusk: I've heard those called "ice cream carts".

Jeysie: Please don't ask me why we call them that, because I don't know.


BLusk: Leaf Peepers is regional.

Jeysie: We really do get people who come *just* to look at the fall foliage. It's... weird. I mean, not that it's not pretty, but I dunno if I'd make a road trip just to see it.

BLusk: Remember, I grew up in Vegas, tourism capital of the world. The thought of someone going somewhere "just to see it" is totally normal to me.


Ascii: Heh. Family Guy (which takes place in Rhode Island) made fun of the "Leafers" in an early ep. They portrayed them as basically an infestation.

Ascii: They're at the lake towards the end of summer, having a great time, when suddenly a single leaf falls from a single tree... and hordes of Leafers suddenly come pouring over the horizon, with everyone running in fear from them.

Ascii: The joke, of course, is that they're all from New York, and are thus crass and rude.

Jeysie: And even worse drivers than we are.


Ascii: Heh. That second one [1], I couldn't actually tell who it was until I read the caption. Though I admit, he *is* cute.

Jeysie: Isn't he, though? *tickles*

Ascii: Sheesh.

Jeysie: What?

Ascii: Heh. Nothing, just watching you drool.

Jeysie: Thbpt. So I like red hair. Everyone's got a quirk.


Ascii: Heh! Nothing wrong with that. I like it too.

Ascii: Hell, if I were bi, I'd probably be all over him.

Jeysie: Yeah, but liking red haired wome... oh, never mind.

Ascii: What about liking red-haired women?

Jeysie: Was going to say, liking red-haired women isn't usually considered that odd.

Ascii: Heh. Well, it is, when you stop to consider that most of them are evil.


Jeysie: Liking red-haired men, however, usually garners a few raised eyebrows.

Ascii: Even more so if you're a guy.


Ascii: But, how is that weird? I've never heard anyone bashing it.

Jeysie: Well, not here so much. Apparently the Brits have a serious thing against "gingers", though.

Ascii: South Park did an episode on that. Cartman did a school report where he spouted racist slurs against the "gingers", claiming they had no souls and such. So the other kids sneak into his house and dye his hair and paint his skin, so he wakes up to think *he's* become one of them.


Jeysie: Most girls I know seem to find red hair on guys dorky, though. ...which admittedly is part of why I like it.

Ascii: Dorks are hot. Everyone knows that. People just don't like to admit it.


Jeysie: Gah, I am so bored at work.

Ascii: You could play Chrono Trigger.

BLusk: Too bad you aren't a highly trained Windows administrator, Jeysie.

Ascii: ...who can get away with playing Chrono Trigger at work.


Jeysie: ...oh crap.

Ascii: ?

Jeysie: I almost forgot to mention that Lunchie said she'd be late tonight.

Ascii: Oh. Whew. For a second, I thought you'd crossed the streams, or something.

Jeysie: Do I look like Egon? I'm more the Janine type.


Ascii: *sighs*

Jeysie: ?

Ascii: I don't believe this.

Jeysie: What's wrong?

Ascii: ...I'm hungry again.

Jeysie: And I thought *I* was bad.


Jeysie: You wanna watch a quirky fandub, Bri? It might cheer you up.

Ascii: TF fans are nothing, if not productive.

Jeysie: I'm not sure productive is the right...

Ascii: Also, dorky.

Jeysie: Yes. Dorky is the right word.

Ascii: Perhaps, but dorks *are* hot.


BLusk: You have to admit, most of the Autobot alt modes aren't terribly combat-useful.

Ascii: They're not supposed to be. They're the good guys.


Jeysie: Most of the fandub voices *are* a passable imitation of the regular voices, except for Silverbolt, who has a British accent for some completely inexplicable reason. It's just... funny.

Ascii: Perhaps, but British accents *are* hot.

Jeysie: Not this one. Hoist has a cute British accent. This one's just... not.


BLusk: "I thought I was the right leg"?

Jeysie: Poor Fireflight.

BLusk: So, everyone gets mega-combining robots at the same time?

Jeysie: It made more sense in the actual US show.


Ascii: Out of curiosity, how are you enjoying the RP, Ieth?

Iethloc: It's fun.

Ascii: I'm glad. *has self-esteem issues, and needs constant positive reinforcement*


BLusk: My little girl slipped on a pumpkin and fell on the legs of a chair.

Jeysie: Slipped on a pumpkin?

BLusk: Yeah, but she was having trouble breathing. She's alright now.

Jeysie: ...she was standing on a pumpkin?

BLusk: No, the pumpkin was next to the chair, she tripped over it.


Jeysie: More Mosaic commentary: "Oh, come on... we all know that Astrotrain's plan is just to have remote-control trains powered by Ore-13. Like how Blitzwing's evil plot is to capture John Madden and force him to create strategy for him."


BLusk: (as OOC Wolfgang) "Hey, who turned on the digital leg editing machine again? I can't hover."

Jeysie: (as OOC Reginar) "I wasn't aware you could hover, laddie."

Ascii: Be quiet, you.

BLusk: (as OOC Wolfgang) "I can't! Where's my legs! I'm bleeding pixels!"

Jeysie: (as OOC Reginar) "Hmm. What do you make of that, Grandpa?" Reginar reaches into the bag and pulls out... a talking golem doll.

BLusk: (as OOC Wolfgang) "Dude! A talking golem!"

Ascii: Alright, alright. Enough screwing around.

Jeysie: (as OOC Reginar) "It plays such phrases as "Eat flaming laser death, bounty hunters!" and "Oh no, Jenkins is late for his medicine!"

Ascii: Wolfgang, Reginar, take your places. Eleihoff, wake up and get ready to RP.

Iethloc: (as OOC Eleihoff) "If I have to."


Ascii: Just as the Party is preparing to leave the bead and breakfast, Wolfgang suddenly stumbles through the front door...

Ascii: ...grr. BED and breakfast. *sighs, and hands Masterpiece Starscream a fiver*

Jeysie: Starscream cackles and takes the money.


BLusk: Wolfgang looks... wild, ranting. "He... he disappeared! Into the air, just sparkly... then POOF!" He shakes his head, eyes wide. "POOF! Do you understand me when I say POOF?!"

Iethloc: (as Eleihoff) "...not really." Eleihoff's eyes open wide.

Jeysie: (as Reginar) "Calm down, laddie. What's happened? Where's Gideon?"

BLusk: (as Wolfgang) "He's POOF! POOF! P.. O... O... F! Poof!"

Jeysie: (as Reginar) "Could ya be a little more... detailed?"

BLusk: Wolfgang reaches over and takes Reginar's shoulders. "It could happen to any of us! Any ONE of us! This freaky switchboard thingy... we GOTTA get it fixed, or we might ALL go POOF!" He throws his hands into the air when he says "poof" this time. "All sparkly and snowy and POOF!"

BLusk: Someone probably needs to slap Wolfgang.

Jeysie: I was *seriously* just going to pose Reginar doing that.

BLusk: Perfect.

Jeysie: Gah, you people. Get out of my head!

Ascii: Nah, I like it in here. It's demented.

Jeysie: Bah.


Jeysie: Reginar gives Wolfgang a few slaps on the face. "Snap out of it, laddie!" *thwap*thwap*thwap*

BLusk: Wolfgang takes the slaps, looking shocked, but settling down with a hiccup. "Okay... okay... okay, okay... I'm okay..." He shakily takes his waterskin from his side and downs several long gulps.

Jeysie: (as Reginar) "Now, laddie. Can ya tell us exactly what happened?"

Ascii: (as OOC Wolfgang) "Okay, what happened was... POOF!"


Jeysie: (as Reginar) "Without using tha word 'POOF'?"

Iethloc: (as Eleihoff) "I don't know. I've always rather liked that word."

Ascii: I love you guys.

Jeysie: Eleihoff = win.


BLusk: Now, how was that for Wolfgang losing his marbles?

Ascii: A bit theatrical, but not bad.

Jeysie: At least he's not running around half-naked with a bloody knife in his hand.


BLusk: Wolfgang sits down in a chair and grips the arms of it. "Okay... I went looking for Gideon, right? I just listened for the sounds of a fight, and I followed 'em. 'Course, that's where I found Gideon, right after I tripped over the fighting cats. Anyway, he was drunk... when isn't he drunk? But, he was drunk and fighting a zombie. So drunk, he couldn't hit the thing. So, I pull out Trusty..." He pats the misshapen lump at his side.

BLusk: (as Wolfgang) "And, I charged the zombie. Smacked it in the head, right? Yeah, gave it a good whack with a greatclub. That's when Gideon started... well..." His hands start gesturing, mouth working, but no actual words come out for several long moments.

Jeysie: (as Reginar) "Go on, laddie."

BLusk: (as Wolfgang) "...he got all sparkly... and... um... snowy... and then..." He looks over at Eleihoff. "Um... foop?"

Iethloc: (as Eleihoff) "Ah, now THAT changes things..." Eleihoff says with a nod.

Jeysie: (as Reginar) "Can you make anything of it, Eleihoff?"

Iethloc: So, should I make a Knowledge (Arcana) check now?

BLusk: (as OOC Eleihoff) "Now, think carefully... was it poof or foop? The answer to what happens hinges on whether it was foop or poof, so which was it?"


BLusk: Hey, you see someone disappear in front of your face, and you tell me what your reaction would be.


Ascii: But sure, go ahead and make the check. If you pass it, I'll come up with some arcane technobabble that you can use to explain his disappearance to the others.

GameServ: Iethloc rolled 1d10: 3 <Total: 3(+10) = 13>

Ascii: Aww.

BLusk: Yeah... it was the new "Poof" spell! That's it!

Ascii: No technobabble, I'm afraid.

Jeysie: Darn.

BLusk: Wolfgang took some levels of Wizard and developed a "poof" spell!

Jeysie: I like technobabble.

Iethloc: (as OOC Eleihoff) "He went away."


Jeysie: Wait! He got wished into the cornfield!

BLusk: ...cornfield?

Jeysie: Don't watch The Twilight Zone?

BLusk: I haven't seen an episode in probably 15 years.

Jeysie: There's an episode called "It's a Good Life" where Billy Mumy plays a psychotic little kid with mental powers. Whenever Mumy's kid gets really pissed at someone, he uses his mental powers to "wish them into the cornfield." I.E. make them vanish from existence.

BLusk: Cool!


Jeysie: (as Reginar) "Hold on. Ah, Eleihoff, can I have your hat?"

Iethloc: (as Eleihoff) "But... I like this hat..." he says as he takes it off and holds it over his heart.

Jeysie: (as Reginar) "I know, lad, but I need to consult my Grandpa over this. Don't worry, I'll be sure you buy you a nice new one."

Iethloc: Eleihoff sighs. "Okay... here you go." Eleihoff hands over the beloved hat.

Ascii: There'll be other sombreros, Ieth.


Jeysie: Bill Mumy was in a skit once at a con...

Jeysie: The four Starfleet captains were dressed in South Park style and arguing amongst themselves as to who was the best. Then Bill Mumy comes along and starts giving a schmaltzy speech about how they're all great in their own way...

Jeysie: When a fanboy comes onto the stage, starts being, well, fanboyish, and accidentally kills Janeway. (Cue Peter David as Cartman/Kirk saying, "Oh my God, you killed Janeway! You bastard!")

Jeysie: Bill Mumy then starts going, "You're a bad, bad man..." and wishes the fanboy away. The fanboy then shows up later with corn in his pocket. "What happened to you? Where were you?" "In the cornfield."

Ascii: ...I need to attend more conventions with you.


Jeysie: Reginar takes the hat and places it into the bag. "Tell me, Grandpa, what do you make of Gideon's... poof?" He then reaches into the bag and pulls out a...

Ascii: ...handmirror. A lovely one too, with an ivory frame and golden handle.

Jeysie: (as Reginar) "That's it! Gideon was obviously drawn into a mirror universe parallel to our own! No doubt there's now a Mirror Gideon currently running around our universe being nice and cheerful to everyone and drinking Elven tea."

Iethloc: (as Eleihoff) "So should we try to get our Gideon back?"

Jeysie: Reginar hands the hand mirror to Eleihoff. "Well, lad, ah... Mirror Gideon might be an improvement, if we ever meet up with him."

Jeysie: Eleihoff now has a cool mirror instead. He can look at himself and say, "Man, I'd be so handsome if I had a yellow sombrero."


Jeysie: How's that for an explanation pulled out of one's nether regions?

Ascii: Same as mine, I'd wager. I came up with "mirror" from the Star Trek comment, which made me think "Mirrorverse".


<- Dread has disconnected (Exit: *POOF*)

BLusk: Hee hee!

Ascii: *dies*

Jeysie: Apparently she does read the logs.

BLusk: She was paying attention.


Ascii: Maybe the sage can cure Wolfgang of the crazies.

Iethloc: And maybe he can confirm whether it was a poof or a foop.

Ascii: (as OOC Wolfgang) "...and then I was all like 'YAR!' and then he was all like 'POOF!' and then I was all like 'EEEK!'..."


Jeysie: So, we're off to see the sage, the wonderful sage of Cityville.

Ascii: Well, if ever oh ever a sage there was...


Ascii: The Party files out the door, and back onto the streets. There seem to be slightly less zombies around at the moment... a scattered handful of Random Townspeople(TM) walk hurriedly up and down the street, avoiding the zombies as though they were homeless people.

BLusk: Homeless people.

Iethloc: Before long, we'll be seeing zombies rattling coins in tin cups.

Ascii: What, didn't I tell you guys about that episode of South Park? An infestation of homeless people who act like zombies. "Chaaaange, chaaaaange..."


BLusk: Wolfgang suppresses the urge to toss a coin to a shambling zombie. They might have headcrabs or something. Ew!

Jeysie: Headcrabs!

Ascii: Heh! Sadly, these are the normal garden variety.

BLusk: Our Half-Life reference is done.


BLusk: What were the other things?

Jeysie: What other things?

BLusk: There was a list of things that had to be done or the world would end.

Jeysie: Oh, the things that need to be done every session lest the Apocalypse happen?

BLusk: Right.

Jeysie: Heh. I don't remember, exactly. All I remember was Half-Life and ESP. And I think someone needs to roll a 4.


Jeysie: That reminds me. I once found a pic of Human!Perceptor that reminded me a bit of Gordon.

Ascii: Dude. Do you still have that pic?

Jeysie: Here we are: http://snukastyle.deviantart.com/art/Perceptor-30137589

Jeysie: I swear, it does.

Ascii: Gordon, who kicks ass and doesn't speak. Perceptor, who's wussy and won't shut up.


Jeysie: [Perceptor]'s not that wussy. He's not a coward, at least. And he did once blow apart Devastator.

Ascii: Heh. Reminds me of how Brawn was giving him a tough time in "Microbots". And gee, look which one survives the movie.

Jeysie: D'oh.


Ascii: You get the attention of a rather homely middle-aged woman, who screeches at you with the voice of a mockingbird. "Eh? Wot do you want, then?"

BLusk: Wolfgang winces, tempted to plug his ears, but finally asks. "Where is the cemetery, madam?"

Ascii: (as Woman) "Th' cemetery?" She says "cemetery" as though you'd just asked to see the Holy Grail. "Wot do you want t' go up there for? It's all fulla zombies, it is!"

BLusk: (as Wolfgang) "Um... we're with the Citizen's Zombie Research Council, and we're trying to figure out if we can use the zombies to reduce your taxes."

BLusk: *is tempted to suddenly have him have a CZRC ID. card*

Jeysie: Fake research scientist paperwork?

BLusk: Yes.

BLusk: YES!

Ascii: Maybe if you pass a Forgery check.

BLusk: Pass the crayons.


GameServ: BLusk rolled 1d20: 20 <Total: 20(+3) = 23>

BLusk: That's my forgery check.

Ascii: ...XD

Jeysie: O.O

Iethloc: They're real now.

BLusk: I now have Citizen's Zombie Research Council IDs.

Ascii: Alright, we'll assume BLusk draws them up while you guys walk. Go ahead and pose it, Bri.

Jeysie: I really love you guys.


Ascii: Of course... you realize you just used up your 20.

Jeysie: Yeah, but what else could we do with it this session that would be this awesome?

Iethloc: But now people will think we're important!

Ascii: Okay, but don't blame me when you guys fail your next Reflex save.


BLusk: Walking behind Reginar, Wolfgang's been idly scratching at some material he had in his pocket, and finally looks up at the back of Reginar's head. "AHA! Here it is!" He steps to Reginar's shoulder and shows him the card made of a hard white substance, then, with a black stripe on the back and CITIZEN'S ZOMBIE RESEARCH COUNCIL on the front. Wolfgang Fredericks is underneath, with an italicized Field Researcher under that.

Jeysie: Side note: Bri... you're still taller than Reginar.

BLusk: Yes, of course. I was saying he'd stepped up next to him.

Jeysie: OK. I just... read the phrase "looks up" a bit weird. Especially since you definitely made a height mistake in the first session (which I fixed, heh).

BLusk: Oh, I meant he was looking at the paperwork he was working on... and then looked up (from it) to look at his head.

Jeysie: I know, I realized that belatedly.

Ascii: *refuses to allow this debate to distract him, no matter how funny it may be*


Ascii: The gate squeaks loudly as you push it open... a flock of crows take flight at the noise from their perch atop the fence, flapping and cawing madly.

Jeysie: Not pigeons?

BLusk: Crows will be the Official Dead Bird of Chaotic Crew.

Ascii: Pfft. I'm getting to the pigeons.


Jeysie: You should explain the pigeons to Ieth.

Iethloc: I know about the pigeons.

Jeysie: You do? Oh, OK. One of these days, the pigeons are going to get their revenge, you know.

Iethloc: It would be awesome if the Chaotic Lump Weapon changed into Weapons of Pigeon Dread.

Jeysie: It's +5 vorpal against pigeons?

BLusk: +5 vorpal vs. pigeons. ...Hee hee hee!


Jeysie: Forget the Death by Giant Cat. Death by Giant Pigeon would be so much better.

Iethloc: Death by Giant Cat?

Jeysie: It's... a long story.


Ascii: (as Gravekeeper) "Oh, what's this? We have visitors." He seems to be speaking to himself, in a voice that sounds suspiciously like Peter Lorre. "Yes, visitors. We don't get company often, we should... entertain them." He then turns to Reginar.

Jeysie: Does he sound like Cosmos?

Ascii: No, more like that mad scientist Lorre caricature from Looney Tunes.


Jeysie: For now, though, Death by Giant Cat: http://members.fortunecity.com/zobovor/slingshot_easter_egg.gif

Jeysie: *ducks from Ascii*

Ascii: Bah. No love for Slingshot.

Jeysie: Not from me.


Jeysie: (as Reginar) "I wonder what he's casting?" Reginar braces himself against the wind.

BLusk: Wolfgang hunkers down to the ground and resheaths his weapon. No point in giving the storm something to hit. "Maybe he has something to do with this blasted storm?"

Iethloc: (as Eleihoff) "I don't think so. It looks more like a ritual to dispel negative energy."

BLusk: (as Wolfgang) "Does it handle negative attitudes, too?"

Iethloc: (as Eleihoff) "No, that takes an entirely different ritual."

BLusk: (as Wolfgang) "Oh, does it involve ice cream and chocolates?"

Jeysie: (as Reginar) "I thought that was chocolate and flowers."

Iethloc: Heh. I wish I knew the ritual to handle negative attitudes.

Ascii: It's a slap to the face, coupled with, "SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!"

Iethloc: Excellent! When can I add that to my spell list?

Ascii: Maybe you'll find a scroll.


Iethloc: (as Eleihoff) "Oh?" Eleihoff questions, still standing at his amazing height... for a Gnome.

Jeysie: ...for a Gnome.


Ascii: *takes advantage of the break to relax* <3 *kicks back in Jeysie's head, and enjoys a cool drink*

Jeysie: From my head?

BLusk: Cerebral fluids?

Jeysie: Be careful, you've seen what that thing brews. Of course, you like evil ideas.


Out2lunch: Yes! Foop! Things Appear in Poofs.

BLusk: She found Wolfgang's going nutters.

Jeysie: Yep. And, I remember the teleportation accidents in Academy.


Jeysie: *tries to look intimidating and fails*

Ascii: (huggles Jeysie the kitten)

Jeysie: Bah.

Ascii: What? I like kittens.

Jeysie: I am not a kitten.

Ascii: Heh. I know, I'm just picking at you.

Jeysie: I know.

Ascii: ...you Slingshot hater.


Jeysie: *is a Giant Cat* Meow! *paw*

Ascii: Ack! So *that* explains it.

Jeysie: ?

Ascii: You hate Slingshot because you're a cat.

Jeysie: I dunno, Air Raid has the kitty ears happening, and he doesn't hate Slingshot.


Ascii: Alright, is everyone ready?

BLusk: Ready.

Iethloc: Ready.

Jeysie: Yo, Joe.


Out2lunch: Good is even:

GameServ: Out2lunch rolled 1d6: 4 <Total: 4>

Out2lunch: Sigh... Always good.

Jeysie: Do we get to take a XP pool on how many sessions in a row Credance is good?


BLusk: (as OOC Wolfgang) "Oh, phew! This armor is freakin' hot!" Wolfgang gets out a fan and takes off his helmet, fanning his face. "Where's my mineral water?"

Jeysie: (as OOC Reginar) "It's stormin', laddie. Might as well just open yer mouth and enjoy the shower."

BLusk: (as OOC Wolfgang) "Are you kidding? The water from those rain machines is coming from the Non-potable tank."

Jeysie: (as OOC Reginar) "Is that what the smell is?" Reginar sniffs his shirt, then makes a face.

BLusk: (as OOC Wolfgang) "No, that's the lunch wagon."

Jeysie: (as OOC Reginar) "Ah, lunch."

Ascii: (OOC) Ascii yells through his megaphone from his director's chair. "SORRY ABOUT THE SMELL, THERE'S A PROBLEM WITH THE FILTER. WE'VE GOT MAINTENANCE WORKING ON IT."

BLusk: (as OOC Wolfgang) "Great! Glad to know that. Let us know when the smell is gone, too." Wolfgang rolls his eyes, then kicks the digital editing machine. "You're supposed to give me BLONDE hair, not BROWN hair!"

Jeysie: (as OOC Reginar) "Shh, laddie, I think the director's almost ready to start up again."

Ascii: (OOC) Ascii snores in his chair, then suddenly snorts and wakes up, falling over in the process. *thud* "OW! Uh... OKAY PEOPLE EVERYONE TAKE YOUR PLACES!"

BLusk: (as OOC Wolfgang) "What was that? The director's supposed to wake up again?"


Ascii: The man stands totally still for several moments... then, without warning: "BUUUUURP!" He belches mightily, the sound echoing across the hill.

Iethloc: (as Eleihoff) "Ah. Not quite the thunder that was expected."

Jeysie: Reginar raises an eyebrow. "Good one," he murmurs.

BLusk: (as Wolfgang) "Lots of bass tones, that's for sure."

Out2lunch: Credance coughs politely.

BLusk: We're nuts. Judging burps.

Jeysie: We're guys. Every guy I've been friends with has a compulsive need to rate burps. Either that, or outdo them.


Ascii: Only half of us are guys.

Jeysie: Reginar is a guy. So I'm just saying, it's not weird for Elei, Wolfgang, and Reg to rate burps.

Ascii: Ah.


Iethloc: (as Eleihoff) "Oh dear. I may need someone to hold this mirror for me, if my guess is correct..." Eleihoff says as he holds the mirror out for someone to take.

BLusk: Wolfgang takes the mirror and holds it up.

Ascii: What's with the mirror?

BLusk: I dunno. It's the mirror from the bag.

Jeysie: He doesn't want it to get damaged.


BLusk: Wait, so let me get this straight... Now Wolfgang has to fight with a mirror in one hand?

Jeysie: Just think. You can dispatch an enemy, then look at yourself in the mirror, give your hair a manly preening, and grin and kiss at the reflection.

Ascii: Sheesh!

BLusk: I'd mount a mirror to the back of the buckler if I wanted to do that.


Jeysie: Side note: Saffron? Like the yellow spice?

Ascii: That's the sage's name. I was stuck for one.

BLusk: Sage is a spice, too.

Jeysie: It's fine, just not very manly.

Ascii: Well, he's a crazy sage, not a macho man.


BLusk: Now, question... does anyone have the Ghost Sound spell? We could really get the music going... and then someone just has to impersonate Michael Jackson, and we'll have a homemade Turn Undead spell.

Jeysie: Sorry, Bri, but I think we're a bit lacking in Perform (Moonwalk).

BLusk: Now that's something I could have invested ranks in...


BLusk: (as Wolfgang) "Alright, let's start off with some ranged weapons... Cold steel and hot vengeance!" He draws his weapon.

GameServ: BLusk rolled 1d100: 62 <Total: 62>

BLusk: Longsword.

Ascii: Dang! I was hoping for something inappropriate again.

BLusk: Inappropriate?

Ascii: Something made of wood, and decidedly non-vengeful.

BLusk: Okay, true.


BLusk: How long before the zombies arrive?

Ascii: You've got enough time to prepare yourselves, combat-wise. They *are* zombies, they're coming rather slowly.

BLusk: Well, I'm debating taking the combat to them. To slow them down.

Ascii: Vizz: "YAR!" *charges down the hill*


Ascii: "POOF! A magical aura tingles around you... you suddenly feel more protected. Also, your underwear seem fresher.

BLusk: Poof or foop?

Jeysie: Fresh undies!

BLusk: It's only a temporary effect until he... soils his undies.

Ascii: Nothing makes you feel safer than fresh undies.


BLusk: Let's get one round [of combat] in, and pick up next week.

Out2lunch: Only 1? Aww.

Ascii: We've only got 15 minutes.

Out2lunch: But I'm totally wired!

BLusk: And some of us are totally unwired.

BLusk: Wireless?

BLusk: Unplugged.


BLusk: Init Rolls: Reginar (17), Wolfgang (8), Eleihoff (6), Credance (6)

GameServ: Ascii rolled 1d20: 19 <Total: 19(-1) = 18>

GameServ: Ascii rolled 1d20: 13 <Total: 13(-1) = 12>

GameServ: Ascii rolled 1d20: 1 <Total: 1(-1) = 0>

Ascii: Wow, that first one is a *fast* zombie.

Iethloc: Gah! Even zombies are going faster than I am!

Jeysie: *pats Ieth*

Iethloc: Except for Mr. Zero, there.


Out2lunch: Does 0 mean that he turns around and gives up?

Iethloc: Aww... depressed zombies.

BLusk: No, he does the Moonwalk.


BLusk: I need a colossal longsword. 6d6 damage.

BLusk: But, you have to be the size of a high-rise building to use it.


BLusk: A campaign where we all have to be named after condiments? "Yes, I'm Ketchup. These are my friends, Mustard, Mayonnaise and Relish. We can't fight for squat, but we make a great burger!"

Out2lunch: Could I be Chutney?


Ascii: Are you aware of my nat 20 policy?

Iethloc: What?

Ascii: Whenever someone rolls a natural 20 when I'm running a game, I like to make the IC result spectacular to reflect it.

Iethloc: And what about natural ones?

Ascii: More or less the opposite. Natural 1s aren't *spectacular* failures, but I like to make them embarrassing.


Ascii: Are you okay to take your turn, or should we stop?

Jeysie: Argh. Hang on, i think I need to change the batteries in my keyboard or something.

Ascii: ...your keyboard has batteries?

BLusk: Wireless, probably.


Ascii: A second zombie soon joins the first... it too lunges forward, trying to grab Wolfgang's head in its clammy, undead hands.

GameServ: Ascii rolled 1d20: 1 <Total: 1(+2) = 3>

Ascii: ...

BLusk: Hee hee hee hee hee... Reminds me of you all running from a certain town.

Jeysie: Look out, folks, the bad guys are going to kill themselves off for us again!


BLusk: I haven't taken an AoO in forever.

Ascii: ...shoot! That's right, IIRC, you guys should have gotten AoO on them when they attacked. Or, does that not apply to charges?

BLusk: Not unless someone is carrying a reach weapon.

Out2lunch: #&$^@ing ct!!!

Out2lunch: *cat.

Out2lunch: Me!

Ascii: ?

Out2lunch: I'm using a reach weapon! And I've also just been clawed by by cat.

Ascii: Sorry, no attacks of opportunity against pets.

Out2lunch: Aww.


Out2lunch: Credance tosses back her robes, revealing a gleaming, silvery, tailor-fitted breastplate, her multitude of symbols and chains sparkling in its reflected light. From some unseen realm of her person she draws a sinister-looking chain, clawlike spikes threatening from its ends.

Ascii: Somehow, that pose seems like it ought to make her look hot.

Out2lunch: Save that she's a scrawny teenager.

Ascii: Heh! But still, it's the sort of slow-mo "time for the sexy" pose you'd see in a movie.

BLusk: Drow are supposed to be hot even when scrawny, though.


Jeysie: More like, "Time for the butt-kicking guns".

Out2lunch: Pulling our the "big guns"?

BLusk: <MP-X301> "Someone call?"

Out2lunch: Heh. Sorry, I forgot that not everyone is in on the joke. "Big guns" are one of my family's euphemisms for tits.

BLusk: Oh, better than my wife's father calling bras double-barrel slingshots.


Jeysie: Sheesh. Even my attempt to get away from the sexy fails horribly!

Ascii: You can't escape the sexy. We're all perverts.

Jeysie: I know, but I keep trying.

BLusk: *rolls his eyes*

Jeysie: It's my stubborn nature.


Ascii: Besides, Mrs. Lusk's slingshots have a long range.

BLusk: Oh yes. It's the improved model.


Ascii: Alright, Ieth, it's your turn, then we're done for the night.

Iethloc: Scorching Ray on the zombie on the ground.

Jeysie: The zombie on the ground is, uh, re-dead, Ieth.

Iethloc: Oh.


Ascii: Alright, roll ranged attack!

GameServ: Iethloc rolled 1d20: 14 <Total: 14(+5) = 19>

Jeysie: Wow. GameServ is being unusually nice to us tonight.

Ascii: Heh! Roll damage. (4d6)

GameServ: Iethloc rolled 4d6: 5 5 3 5 <Total: 18>

Ascii: *Damn*. GameServ *is* being nice to you guys.

Out2lunch: Maybe she finally decided to become a 'Bot after all.


BLusk: Good: Poof! POOF I tell you, POOF! Good: Too much to list.

Out2lunch: Good: BUUURP!

BLusk: Good: Credance getting dangerous!

Jeysie: Good: Foop!

BLusk: Good: The gravedigger!

Out2lunch: Good: Poof!

Iethloc: Good: Thriller.

Out2lunch: Good: Using zombies to lower taxes.

Iethloc: Good: Natural 20 on Forgery.

Jeysie: Good: Epic burps, in the true tradition of "Klaatu Barata... uh, what was that last word?"

BLusk: Good: Citizen's Zombie Research Council IDs!

Jeysie: Good: Nat 20s and other good dice rolls.


BLusk: Okay, Bad... Um...

Iethloc: Bad: Credance is good AGAIN.

BLusk: Bad: Bathroom breaks.

Out2lunch: Bad: Missing half the game.

Jeysie: Bad: Lunchie's meanie employers making her close the shift.

Out2lunch: Bad: Missing Poof!

BLusk: Bad: Lunchie late arrival, but good because she DID arrive.

Iethloc: Bad: I haven't gotten to switch familiars yet.

BLusk: Bad: Never getting the weapon you need at the time you need it.


Out2lunch: Ugly: Zombie head on a chain.

BLusk: Ugly: He's going MAD, I tell you... MAD! And then... POOF!

Out2lunch: Ugly: The gravedigger.


Out2lunch: Really good: My headache went away!

Jeysie: Yay! We have beneficial health effects after all!


Out2lunch: Bad: Getting one of my guns clawed by my cat.

Jeysie: Ow!

Out2lunch: Ow. I was holding him and suddenly he just freaked out.

Ascii: Yipes, *that's* where you got clawed? ...hmm, maybe Ascii the Cleric should take a look...

Out2lunch: Darn, Cure Light Wounds is a touch spell, isn't it? *decides to suffer*


Jeysie: This reminds me of Alex's butt.

Out2lunch: O_o What?!

Jeysie: I don't think Lunchie ever read that interlude. Where Officer Alex got shot in the butt.

Ascii: Alex the PC, not Alex the GF.

Out2lunch: *remembers now*


Ascii: I hope you all had fun.

Jeysie: We met crazy NPCs, kicked butt, and uh, wasted some time being silly.

Iethloc: And all of it was fun.

Ascii: I wouldn't say we *wasted* the time...

Jeysie: *gives a Giant Cat meow*

Ascii: That's preferable to a Giant Cat Anti-Aircraft Swat.

<- Ascii has disconnected (Exit: I suppose a Giant Cat Anti-Aircraft Swat is itself preferable to a Giant Cat Anti-Bosom Swat...)

Jeysie: Amen.