Chaotic Crew:Campaign/Chapter 02/Choice Quotes

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Chapter 2: Troll Spit and Horse ****

BLusk: Mmmmmm... homemade ice cream.

Ascii: Grah! Stop TORTURING me with your cooking!

BLusk: MMMMMMMM!

Ascii: That's it, I'm making you fail your next save.

BLusk: The DC just went up to 45, right?

Ascii: *cackles evilly*


BLusk: Hi, Bukko.

Bukkosha: Hello.

BLusk: Ascii pinged just a minute ago.

Bukkosha: Haha.

Bukkosha: I mean.

Bukkosha: Uh.

Bukkosha: Aww.


Bukkosha: Newbie's here on time! Amazing.

Iethloc: It's much harder to be late when you're early.

BLusk: Indeed, it is. That's why it's so hard to be on time... because you have to be exactly on the very second. But being early or late is very easy.

Bukkosha: If you're early, then you can be on time. If you're late, you can never be on time.


-> Ascii has joined #sq.

Ascii: Bleh.

BLusk: WB, Ascii! What happened?

Ascii: Well, I guess I had that coming, what with karma and all. The very *instant* I was done cackling maniacally, the PC spontaneously rebooted.


Bukkosha: Pfft. Ascii, cackling maniacally.

BLusk: * Ascii cackles evilly. >:D

Bukkosha: Ascii can't cackle evilly. He hasn't done anything cackle-worthy.

Ascii: Sheesh.


Ascii: Anywho. Let's hope Jeysie is waking up about now.

Bukkosha: If not, torture ensues?

Ascii: Only if you behave.

Bukkosha: Bah, I behave only at work. And at school.


-> Jeysie has joined #sq.

Ascii: *idly wonders where... oh, never mind*

Ascii: Seriously, I was halfway through typing that...


Jeysie: Brr.

BLusk: Brr?

Jeysie: It's chilly in my apartment.

Ascii: Ooh, chili. *eats, and is no longer hungry*

Iethloc: What a concept!


Ascii: [Last lines] Glancing about when he exits, Wolfgang looks for a pub, bar, or other drinking establishment.

Jeysie: We're all currently outside the temple looking for a pub, bar, or other eating establishment.

Ascii: Drinking.

Jeysie: I was close.

Bukkosha: Normally most places with food have drink too.


Ascii: I have all the *places* laid out for my game... but most of them don't actually have *names* yet. I hate sucking at names.

Bukkosha: You can always name them like they named things in England. Based on where they were and what they were.

Ascii: Heh! "Drinking Establishment".

Bukkosha: Drinking Establishment that is Licensed to Serve Alcoholic Drinks.


Jeysie: I used "The Last Call" because it sounded like the right sort of name for a gritty, "abandon all hope ye who enter here" sort of place.

Ascii: "Carpenter's Saloon - Come in and get hammered."

BLusk: Tim Allen's Saloon?


Out2lunch: (as Credance) "Um..."

BLusk: Wolfgang makes sure the digital editing on his legs is, in fact, turned off this time..

Out2lunch: (as Credance) "The Last Call is -er- just.. just this way..."

Bukkosha: (as Gideon) "Tff... The bar had better got some good booze."

Jeysie: (as Reginar) "As long as it has a roof, chairs, and some ale, I'm all set."

Out2lunch: (as Credance) "... depends how well you tip..."

Bukkosha: Gideon scoffs once more, folding his arms over his chest.

Ascii: Alright, alright, hold it! I haven't given the start signal yet.

Bukkosha: Pff, Ascii's just upset 'cause we're more on the ball than he is.


Out2lunch: (as Credance) "Are -um- are you sure you wouldn't p-prefer some -uh- tea?"

Bukkosha: Gideon starts towards the bar. "Tea? Why the hell would I want tea?"

Out2lunch: (as Credance) "(insert prude god name here) recommends not -uh- not imbibing p-poisons..."

Ascii: Heh. Interesting theological philosophy.


Out2lunch: What's the bartender's name? I just figure that Cree would know.

Bukkosha: If she doesn't go boozing, I don't think she would know.

Jeysie: On the days she doesn't prefer tea?

Out2lunch: Exactly.


Bukkosha: (as Gideon) "Strongest alcoholic drink you got. No metal."

Jeysie: ...no metal?

Bukkosha: No metal.

Jeysie: Does one usually drink metal?

Iethloc: They'd probably have drinkable metal at a Rust Monster bar.

Jeysie: I like that idea.


Ascii: Gideon's drink looks more like acid than alcohol, bubbling madly and almost looking like it's trying to escape the confines of the mug.

Bukkosha: Gideon looks at the drink for a moment before downing it. All of it.

Ascii: Alright, Bukko, give me a Fort save.

GameServ: Bukkosha rolled 1d20: 12 <Total: 12(+6) = 18>

Jeysie: Presumably you survive having your stomach dissolved.

Iethloc: Having your stomach dissolved... would certainly ruin your appetite.

Bukkosha: Pff, the stomach is unnecessary.


Bukkosha: (as Gideon) "Say, barkeep. What'cha call this drink, anyway?"

Ascii: (as Higgins) "Acid spider venom."

Bukkosha: (as Gideon) "Fresh from the spider?"

Ascii: (as Higgins) "No, that's just what we call it. It's actually *made* of troll spit."

Jeysie: Troll spit. *snicker*

Ascii: Heh. Don't ask me what it was before I changed it at the last second.


Bukkosha: Eleihoff makes me think Hasselhoff.

BLusk: Yeah, the name does remind me of Hasselhoff, too. Call him Knight Rider.

Iethloc: I bet it'd be awesome to have a car as a familiar.

BLusk: Even cooler if it was a TRANSFORMER car! But, who wouldn't love Kitt?

Jeysie: A car as a familiar would be totally cool for a d20 Modern mage.


Ascii: The entry continues: "So far, our researchers have failed to gain access to this portal... the Church itself seems to lack the knowledge to open it. According to our sources, a sage in the town of Cityville has visited the area beyond the portal once, but he has refused to comment on-record to our staff. Our staff specialist theorizes that the portal links to a plane composed entirely of candy. When asked why, he simply said, 'Because I'm hungry'."

Bukkosha: ...is Cityville the future of Townsville?

Jeysie: I'm awaiting Villageville.

Bukkosha: Villaville!


Out2lunch: Would Cree know anything about said portal?

Ascii: No more than the rest of the church knows. Which is... they know the portal is there, and where it's supposed to go, but that's about it.

Ascii: Anything more than that, the church elders didn't tell her. 'Cause she's not important enough.


Out2lunch: Where's [the portal] supposed to go?

Ascii: The Switchboard.

Iethloc: Maybe it's still in the Elemental Plane of Candy.

Jeysie: Is the Elemental Plane of Candy anything like Willy Wonka's factory?

Iethloc: If it is, would that mean Oompa Loompas are Candy Elementals?

Ascii: Actually, I'm thinking more like the Candyland board game. But, I like this idea better.

Jeysie: I like the idea of Oompa Loompa Elementals.


Ascii: But yeah, sages are always a little loopy. That's why they're sages. As opposed to having a *real* job.


Ascii: Okay, so Wolfgang has a horse... I guess the rest of you walk.

BLusk: It's on my character sheet. Heavy Warhorse, too.

Ascii: As opposed to a Subcompact Warhorse.

BLusk: That's right. I use 3 hay bales per mile, unlike those fuel-efficient 3 miles per bale subcompact horses.

Jeysie: The Subcompact gets better MPG, though. Miles Per Grain.

Jeysie: Dang it, too slow.


Jeysie: How far away is Cityville?

BLusk: A day, as I recall.

Jeysie: I meant in miles.

BLusk: Oh, about 27 hay bales.


Out2lunch: Credance rubs the nag's nose. "Who's a pretty horse? You are. Yes you are, Brimstone."

Ascii: Aww. A girl and her horse.

Jeysie: Is that anything like a boy and his car?

Out2lunch: No no. Her brother is Hellfire.


Jeysie: *hangs an air freshener around Brimstone's neck*

Ascii: Personally, I'd hang it around the tail.

Jeysie: Hmm. That is a good point.


Jeysie: (as Reginar) "Greetings there, sir! We'd like to rent two horses to head to Cityville."

BLusk: (as Wolfgang) "Make sure you get the maintenance records on those horses! Check the shoe wear and look for signs of traffic accidents."

Jeysie: For a young guy, you sure sound like someone's maiden aunt.

Ascii: Heh. She's got a point.

BLusk: He's +7 to Handle Animal. And after looking at Credance's nag, he thought he'd better get a word in edgewise. Besides, I thought the idea of maintenance history on horses was funny.


Ascii: Ned smiles a wide, greasy smile. "Then you've come to the right place, good sir! But, may I ask, what sort of horses are you looking for?"

Jeysie: (as Reginar) "Ones that won't keel over and die during the trip, mainly."

Ascii: (as Ned) "Oh, is that all?" He gestures to the horses behind him. "Well, we carry only the finest quality merchandise here at Ned's; any one of these beauties can get you where you need to go, no questions asked!"

BLusk: That's right, the horses won't ask any questions.

BLusk: Especially when they're dead.


BLusk: Ugh, snow next Saturday. And high temps in the 30s by next Wednesday.

Ascii: Yay, snow!

Jeysie: Ew. *sidles away from Ascii*

Out2lunch: You know, if you no longer like snow, that means you're officially an old fart.

Jeysie: I'm not an old fart. I just hate having to climb over snowbanks and walk through shin-deep snow getting my feet sopping wet.

Out2lunch: ... *cough* I hate Florida. We never get snow.

Jeysie: Now if I lived somewhere that snow = powder dusting, I might be less cranky.


Jeysie: Dammit, my bleedy hemorrhoids are acting up again.

Out2lunch: O_o

Jeysie: ...I am still not an old fart.

Out2lunch: Hahahaha!!! *hugs Lix*


Ascii: Ned produces some papers and a quill from his coat pocket. "So, what sort of payment arrangement are you folks looking for? Cash up front, or would you like to opt for Ned's E-Z Credit system?"

Jeysie: (as Reginar) "I'll go with cash up front."

Jeysie: Of course, if Reginar was more Chaotic, he'd go with "EZ Credit, and you never see me again. You may or may not see the horse again."


Out2lunch: Credance trots over to the accosted townsperson. "Um, sorry about that, Mr. Anderson. I can um, do a blessing on the house or something, if-if you like that is..."

Ascii: He shakes his head. "Nah, don't worry about it, darlin'. Though, I dunno why you hang around with such a jerk." He slinks away.

Out2lunch: Credance frowns for a moment, then blesses the man anyway.

Out2lunch: Do I even want to know what a blessing from Cree does to the poor townsperson?

Ascii: Heh. I'm tucking that one away for later.


Jeysie: ...I always manage to think of a reason for Reginar to pull something out of the bag when Ascii's in the bathroom.

Ascii: :P


Ascii: "And so, the Party took to the road, leaving the safe haven of Worldstown behind them, as they rode (and walked) toward the distant town of Cityville..."

BLusk: (as Wolfgang) "...home, home on the range! Where the deer and the antelope play!"

Bukkosha: (as Gideon) "Stop singing."

Iethloc: (as Eleihoff) "Awwwwwww. Why?"

Bukkosha: (as Gideon) "Because it's irritating."

GameServ: BLusk rolled 1d20: 1 <Total: 1(+2) = 3>

BLusk: ... *laughs*

Jeysie: Is that your Perform check?

BLusk: Yes.

Ascii: Dude, you suck.

Jeysie: I guess your singing really is irritating, then.


Ascii: As they crest a hill, a road sign draws their attention: "Cityville, 1 mile."

Jeysie: Cityville: Population: 1247 people, 100 cows, absolutely no goats.


Bukkosha: That population ratio isn't bad. Wales has four sheep for every one person living there.

BLusk: There's something wrong with that.

Bukkosha: Sheep also have the right of way on the roads.

Out2lunch: Well of course, sheep can't read stopsigns.


BLusk: [The sheep] can read my Goodyears, though.

Bukkosha: Not anymore, BLusk. If you hit them, you get in loads of trouble.

BLusk: Not if I can eat lamb chops fast enough.


Bukkosha: BLusk eats babies. >:(

BLusk: Ewe don't know the full truth.

Ascii: Boo.

Bukkosha: He also murders puns.


Ascii: Indeed, if it weren't for the horde of zombies milling around outside the large, heavy wooden gate in the stone wall surrounding the town, there wouldn't really be anything to write home about.

Out2lunch: Zombies again?

Jeysie: Just think, Lunchie. Now it's Credance that gets to give the mighty Turn Undead speech.

Out2lunch: About how Cree can't turn undead?

Jeysie: ...oh yeah. You gave that up for the random prayer.

Jeysie: Oh, well, time to do it the hard way.


Out2lunch: (as Credance) "EEP!"

Jeysie: (as Reginar) "You all right, lass?"

Out2lunch: (as Credance) "I -um- I'm not very good with undead."

Iethloc: (as Eleihoff) "What?"

Jeysie: (as OOC Eleihoff) "We get the one cleric in the land that sucks at undead? What about that down payment of divine favor, again?"


Ascii: The guard addresses Reginar. "Yeah... um, sorry about that. Ever since we lost contact with the gods, all sorts of strange things have been happening here lately." He sighs. "A few days ago, there was a huge thunderstorm, and then all of a sudden we had undead pouring out of the cemetery." He gestures up the street... there are more zombies shuffling listlessly up and down the street, bumping into streetlamps and buildings.

Ascii: (as Town Guard) "They haven't *attacked* or anything, but they're all nasty and gross... and they smell really bad... most folks are holed up from the smell alone."

Bukkosha: (as Gideon) "It'd be more interesting if they did attack."

BLusk: (as Wolfgang) "It'd also be very disgusting. All right, do you happen to know of any sages here in town?"

Ascii: (as Town Guard) "Sage?" He blinks. "Well, we've got a really old guy who likes to mutter things under his breath..."

Iethloc: (as Eleihoff) "Close enough."

Ascii: (as Town Guard) "You should go ask Jen at the bed and breakfast. She knows everything about everybody in town."

Jeysie: Reginar dismounts and leads his horse off to the Bed and Breakfast of Doom.

Ascii: Sheesh! Does everything have to be "of Doom" around here?

Jeysie: If it doesn't have a real name, then yes, it does.


Out2lunch: (as Credance) "I suppose I should try and do *something* [about the zombies]..."

Jeysie: Is it time for a Random Lunchie Prayer?

Ascii: No, actually, it's about time for us to wrap up for the night.

Jeysie: It's not 1AM yet, dude.

Ascii: I know, but... bleh. I'm starting to crash.

Iethloc: Maybe the coffee deity will answer the prayer.


Ascii: What is she praying for, exactly?

Out2lunch: Er... Something to help with the undead problem?

Ascii: For the whole *town*?

Out2lunch: Or just 1, either way.

Ascii: Alright, roll 1d20.

GameServ: Out2lunch rolled 1d20: 17 <Total: 17>

Ascii: Alright, we have... Fharlanghn, God of Roads. Lunchie, roll 1d3 to determine domain.

GameServ: Out2lunch rolled 1d3: 3 <Total: 3>

Ascii: Domain is Travel. Roll 1d9.

GameServ: Out2lunch rolled 1d9: 6 <Total: 6>

Ascii: Find the Path.

Ascii: As you pray to the heavens, a magical aura surrounds you. Divine energies swirl, and suddenly, suddenly... suddenly, you have an innate sense of which direction Jenny's Bed and Breakfast is. Almost due east, in fact.

Jeysie: Guess it's a sign from the gods to not worry about the zombies.

BLusk: Jeysie [is] IC even when OOC.


Ascii: Anyway... GBU!

Out2lunch: Good: Playing with our chaotic stuff! Bad: Tiffing. Ugly: Face hole zombie.


BLusk: Good: Rent-a-Nag and Maintenance reports.

Ascii: Heh. Horsefax.com?

BLusk: *laughs* That's perfect.


BLusk: Good: Watching this mish-mash actually try to get along. Good: Getting a crossbow for a first weapon. That was hilarious.

Ascii: Heh. Why?

BLusk: "Eat cold steel and hot wrath!" and then I get a mostly wooden weapon that you just can't put a whole lot of wrath into.


BLusk: Ugly: I almost made a Michael Jackson reference...

Ascii: You did?

BLusk: <Wolfgang> "...wait, what? Is this Halloween? Or did someone decide to make a music scrying program?"

BLusk: Music scrying program... music video. AKA Thriller.

Out2lunch: Ug.


Ascii: You guys made a *lot* of progress tonight. You got out of Worldstown and to Cityville, and even know where to go from there. I was half-expecting not to make it out of Worldstown tonight.

BLusk: I think we've managed to smooth out the RP lumps quite nicely.

Out2lunch: *still feels a bit lumpy*

Ascii: Now, if I can only smooth out the Ascii-as-DM lumps...

BLusk: *gets out the beaters*

Out2lunch: Humm, maybe those are just goosebumps from the cold...

Ascii: *wallows on Lunchie, flattening her like a rolling pin*


<- Out2lunch has disconnected (Exit: It is so freaking hard to stay awake when you have a sleeping kitty purring in your lap)

Ascii: Bah! See, cats *are* evil!


Jeysie: So which characters do you hope they put in the [Transformers] sequel?

Ascii: Well, Arcee is first on the list.

Ascii: Soundwave would be kewl. Hmm... Wheeljack... the 'Bots don't have any eggheads yet.

Jeysie: Yay, Wheeljack!

Ascii: Rumble would be sweet. I still think a chopper-style motorcycle would make a cool alt-mode, if the cassette tape thing doesn't work out.

Ascii: ...*scootch, scootch*


Ascii: 'Night, Jeysie 'Night, Ieth! Thanks for playing... I hope you had fun.

Jeysie: He even got a hat.

<- Ascii has disconnected (Exit: Don't ask me where the sombrero idea came from.)