Chaotic Crew:Campaign/Chapter 01/Choice Quotes

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Chapter 1: Chosened in the Head

Jeysie: [Rainy]'s still a cute cat, though. As I approached the front door coming home, he was sitting in the window by the door, so I waved at him and I could see him meowing at me.

BLusk: "Feed me, you worthless human! I demand Meow Mix, and I demand it now!"

Jeysie: Yeah, probably.


BLusk: I just arbitrarily changed my scheduled hours from 0800-1700 to 0800-1645. I'm getting tired of getting everyone else' calls from 1645-1700. "Oh, he's still scheduled, so it must go to him."

Jeysie: It's the ten-minutes-to-go thing.

BLusk: Oh, yes. And now, I'm part of the 1645 crew. I should make my schedule 1630.


Jeysie: Happens at my job, too. I can rarely get anything done from 4-4:30 because it's wall-to-wall phone calls.

BLusk: Yeah. And it's just stupid. Nearly everyone who calls in a machine at 1600 has been dealing with it all day and just wants an excuse to leave early.


Jeysie: Random funny: The NASA website has a column called "Ask an Astrophysicist".

BLusk: That's sweet. Have you asked the astrophysicist anything?

Jeysie: No. I just came across it while looking up how cold space is.

BLusk: How cold is space?

Jeysie: 2.7 Kelvin, apparently.

BLusk: At least it's not absolute 0.

Jeysie: Apparently there's some persistent background radiation.

BLusk: Yes, that makes sense, actually. But, items in the direct sunlight could get quite hot, even in the dead of space.

Jeysie: Probably.


BLusk: One of my Crimson Feather characters has been arrested for a murder he didn't actually commit. Considering it was actually suicide.

Jeysie: Which one?

BLusk: Carl, the computer programmer.

BLusk: The cop got cocky, and made a nasty remark to him after she turned off the tape record "last night". He just threw that remark back into her face word-for-word. He's got a chip in his head now that provides perfect recall... unfortunately, that's at the cost of a lot of destroyed memories in his past. But, the accusation of murder is so much against his nature, that it's impossible for him to believe he could do it.

Jeysie: Er. Doesn't he know he didn't do it?

BLusk: Except for the gaping memory hole? He didn't have the chip at the time in question. And that's in the middle of the hole.

Jeysie: Sheesh. Don't you have any RP besides us that isn't soap operaish?

BLusk: Yes.

Jeysie: Good. I'd think your head would explode otherwise.


BLusk: I wonder where Jeysie is?

Ascii: *idly wonders where Jeysie is*

BLusk: Guess the summoning spells aren't working.

Ascii: That's 'cause she's ASLEEP. *pokes Jeysie repeatedly*


BLusk: I bluff the deities!

BLusk: Wait... fighters don't get bluff as a class skill.


BLusk: I did downgrade from Full-Plate so that my fighter wouldn't have to have assistance putting on his armor.

Ascii: Heh. You've got like, five other PCs to help you...

BLusk: Yeah... and do I trust any of them? I decided I could get nearly the AC without the hassle.

Ascii: Bah, that's no fun. *I* had to have help with my shiny pants each morning.

BLusk: I know. It was entertaining.


Ascii: Even if I'd *had* 'Net access, I wouldn't have been able to chat. My stomach was upset... I spent the past couple of hours at work making repeated trips to the bathroom. I think I made something like 5 trips inside of two and a half hours.

Jeysie: I'm not allowed to take you on vacation any more. I might kill you.

Ascii: Nah, this isn't related to the cold thing. *That* is almost gone by now. I think it's something I ate.

Jeysie: See, all that good food wasn't good for you either.

Ascii: Maybe it was *too* good for me. Maybe I'm suffering withdrawal now that I'm back on a junk diet.


Ascii: Granted, many of the [Transformer]s got dismembered at least once or twice in the show... but for Waspinator, it was a regular event.

Ascii: Did I mention that in one episode, Rattrap is revealed to have a box of Waspinator parts he's collected from battles?


Ascii: So, Jeysie, anything new happen on your end lately?

Jeysie: Not really.

Ascii: No Peter David doing a drive-by candying at your house?

Jeysie: No, sadly.


-> Iethloc has joined sq.

Ascii: Ieth! *beats Iethloc with a rolled-up newspaper*

Iethloc: Hello. Sorry for being late. Ah!

Bukkosha: Bad! Bad newb! No being late!


Ascii: Ieth, we're looking for new players who can be here *on time*. What happened to make you late?

Iethloc: I... forgot.

Bukkosha: Do we have to tattoo it onto your face?

Iethloc: How can I read my own face?

Bukkosha: Mirror. Besides, tattoos to the face would be very painful.


Ascii: Naja... wha?

Bukkosha: Najanaja. Of course.

Ascii: What's a Najanaja?

Bukkosha: A Najanaja. Of course.


Out2lunch: *stumbles into the room and flops face first on the floor*

Jeysie: *pats*?

Out2lunch: Murrrrrf. I think the holidays are going to kill me this year.

Jeysie: Yes, Season tends to have that effect on retail employees.


Ascii: Heya, it's Lunchie!

Out2lunch: Murrrf, Ascii.

Ascii: *beats Lunchie with a rolled-up magazine*

Out2lunch: *is too tired to defend herself* Oof.


Ascii: Did you do any shopping for your char?

Out2lunch: Some. She still needs bits and pieces.

Ascii: Did you go for anything in the [Complete] Adventurer?

Out2lunch: Not yet.

Ascii: Good, good. *burns Adventurer*

Out2lunch: AHH! NOO! That cost me 10 cents!

Ascii: *blinks*

Out2lunch: Simpsons joke.

Ascii: ...anyway.


Out2lunch: Hey Ascii, what would some Kicka$$ sunglasses set me back? For Cree.

Ascii: Depends. Are they cheap drug-store sunglasses, or some of those "I'm so rich, I don't know what to do with it all" sunglasses?

Out2lunch: Middle.


Ascii: If it's part of your outfit and doesn't have any special powers, I don't see why you can't just have [sunglasses].

Out2lunch: Well, she does wear them to keep her eyes from being bothered by bright light. As Drows are prone to be.

Ascii: Oh, right. I forgot about that part.

Out2lunch: So maybe they're polarized or something.

Ascii: Sunglasses are designed to screen sunlight. That's their purpose. No special powers needed.

Out2lunch: Cool!

Ascii: They do *not*, however, grant a CHA bonus.

Out2lunch: Awww.


Ascii: Lunchie, what was the name of your temple again?

Out2lunch: It's Lix's temple.

Jeysie: The Church of All Worlds.

Iethloc: Ooooo.

Jeysie: Yes, it's a reference. Not that I think anyone in here besides me is the type to read Heinlein.

Ascii: Well, *I* don't get the reference, but then, I usually don't.


Jeysie: Reginar looks up, blows out a breath, sets his hands on his hips, and says, "Well, this looks like a good crowd, it does. Did y'all receive a summons as well?"

Bukkosha: (as Gideon) "Always do. But I don't like havin' some god twistin' me 'round their damn pinky finger."

BLusk: Wolfgang sighs and folds the summons into a neatly ordered paper airplane. "Ayup, got a summons, a'right. I'm about as happy about it as a crocodile robbed of his dinner, but I got it."

Out2lunch: Credance fiddles nervously with the many chains and symbols around her neck. "Um, my master just-uh-just told me to come here."

Ascii: *wonders if everyone here talks with an accent*


Ascii: The cleric picks up a magic microphone from the podium. "Greetings, and--" SQUEEEE! Ear-splitting feedback echoes through the room... he taps the mic with his finger and turns it down a click. "Oops, sorry about that. Greetings, Chosen Ones!"

BLusk: *draws the CLW* "By the power of Greyskull!"


Jeysie: Reginar shifts the backpack on his back, while holding up the plain brown bag he's also carrying. "Well, I fer one don't mind coming here... most of the assignments I get have me out in East Nowheresville for some reason. Nice to be in town again." He opens the bag and says into it, "Isn't that right, Grandpa? I know you hate the wilderness too... you gave me a lamppost the last time."

Ascii: Heh! Interesting interpretation. Maybe he just really likes light?

Ascii: ...wait, how did you get a lamp post out of a bag that size?

Jeysie: It's a magic bag. We can assume it's a model lamppost, if it makes you happy.

Ascii: Heh. No, I like the idea of a full-sized one better.

Jeysie: I figured you would.

Jeysie: *decides not to mentally picture the lamppost as being blue with little silver posts and vaguely robotic*


Ascii: The cleric blinks at Gideon. "...hookay, tough crowd. All right, folks, here's the gist of it." He produces a yardstick from beneath the podium. "Over the past few days, theological communications across the world have begun to break down." The lights dim, and the wall behind the cleric suddenly lights up with a blown-up slide of a bunch of confused priests.

Ascii: (as Cleric) "Prayers are not reaching their intended deities, and miracles aren't getting properly directed." The slides change, showing images of warring armies, wanton looting, and politicians losing their right-wing religious fervor.

Ascii: (as Cleric) "As you can imagine..." a slide pops up of a town burned to the ground. "...this is proving disastrous for the world at large, and for our lands in particular. We here at the Church of All Worlds have long relied on a strong pantheon of *interacting* gods to maintain order... this breakdown has hit us hardest of all."

Ascii: (as Cleric) "Our greatest experts have researched the problem..." An image of three gnomes in lab coats looking through a photo album. "...and determined that the problem has something to do with the Great Divine Switchboard."

BLusk: (as Wolfgang) "The Great Divine What?"

Ascii: (as Cleric) "The Great Divine Switchboard." The slide changes to a crude crayon drawing of a phone switching console with a halo over it. "A holy artifact kept hidden in a pocket plane, responsible for the trans-planar routing of all outgoing and incoming prayers, miracles, confessions, atonements, and all other forms of theological communication."

Out2lunch: (as Credance) "Did something happen to the Operator?"

Ascii: (as Cleric) "We're not sure, exactly. All we do know is that with the switchboard out of commission, our prayers go unanswered or misunderstood, and the gods' attempts to fix things keep getting misdirected. The board must be found and repaired if the world is to be returned to normal. According to our research..." The slide changes to another crude drawing of several people of various races, each with an arrow pointing at them from the Switchboard. "...only the Chosen Ones, selected by the gods themselves, are allowed access to the Switchboard."


BLusk: (as Wolfgang) "Um... since the switchboard is busted, does that mean that the wrong Chosen Ones were... chosen?"

Jeysie: Reginar goes over and claps Wolfgang on the shoulder. "Don't worry, laddie... whether we're chosen by the gods or pure chance, we'll get the job done. I've made a grade-A working squad out of sorrier-looking folks, so you'll be all right."

BLusk: Wolfgang blinks several times, glancing at Reginar. "Are you suggesting that we're a sorry-looking..." He glances at the other occupants of the room, then looks back at Reginar. "Never mind."

BLusk: I think that's one that Wolfgang will concede.


Ascii: ...before we end for the night, would anyone like me to discuss the overall layout of the game world?

BLusk: Yes, please.

Ascii: The Space Quest campaign was rather railroady, so this game is going to be more Zelda-like.

Ascii: The "realm" (which as of yet has not been named) consists of the Church in the middle, three major cities around it (each about a day's travel apart from the Church, and each other), and the surrounding countryside.

Ascii: Most of the campaign will take place within the cities, with maybe a little bit of hiking and/or dungeon crawling.

Ascii: The Church is home base, so to speak. The clerics there are willing to provide you with free healing, as long as you don't mind hoofing it over there.


Jeysie: (as Reginar) "I'm Reginar Dunstonn, former Commander of the Clan Reconnaissance 42nd Squadron. And this is Grandpa Dunstonn. He's my chief advisor."

Iethloc: (as Eleihoff) "Your Grandfather is a bag?" He scratches his head.

Jeysie: (as Reginar) "My Grandpa is *in* the bag, you see. His spirit guides me. Say hello, Grandpa." Reginar reaches into the bag to pull out the item contained within.

Jeysie: Which will probably be a roll of TP by the time Ascii gets back [from the bathroom].

Ascii: Sorry, I'm back now.


Ascii: Reginar reaches into the bag and pulls out... one of those little paper umbrellas you see in fruity cocktail drinks.

Jeysie: (as Reginar) "There. See, Grandpa's giving you all a fond tropical welcome, and suggesting we all go have some drinks to get to know each other better." Reginar tucks the umbrella in his beard.

Jeysie: I like to think that somewhere in Ysgard, Grandpa Dunstonn is shaking his head and wondering how he spawned such a weird grandson.


Ascii: Alrighty folks, any opinions so far?

BLusk: I get the impression that Wolfgang might as well be named Meat Shield.


BLusk: I liked the video. And Crayon drawings for backstory... Did you reach that part of OotS?

Ascii: I forget. I just thought it made sense... they've never actually *seen* it, so I figured an "artists rendering" was appropriate.


Jeysie: But, I suppose I've managed to paint Reginar as an optimistic fellow who believes in following orders and the gods.

BLusk: Yes, very lawful, very obedient. Very nuts.


BLusk: You did great. I don't feel I did a very good job with Wolfgang.

Jeysie: Heh. What were you going for? He seems to be "sarcastic punk".

BLusk: I don't mind the sarcasm... and a little bit of punk is okay, too, but he's charismatic, charming, intelligent and strong as all get out. All I got out was the sarcasm.


Jeysie: I suppose it was the negativity in the air that did it. Mostly I added the optimism to have at least one person not saying, "Can't you find someone else?"

BLusk: Oh, I didn't mind. But, I had to admit that I was curious if the Divine Switchboard had randomly selected different people.

Iethloc: Well, we certainly are random.

Jeysie: And nuts.


BLusk: Technically, my character isn't crazy.

Jeysie: True. You're more the "poor sap surrounded by crazies". "Why must I be surrounded by wackos?", to twist the usual saying.

BLusk: "I see crazy people!"


BLusk: I've been debating about making the activation word for the CLW either random, or set each morning by the first thing he says.

BLusk: "Aw, crap!"

BLusk: "..."

BLusk: "Man, I have diarrhea..."

BLusk: "...MAN! I gotta stop that!"

BLusk: "Who put a snake in my sleeping bag!?!?"

BLusk: Stuff like that.


BLusk: "There's a snake in my boot!"

Jeysie: "...need coffee..."

Jeysie: "*pants* I just had this dream where I was naked in Baator..."


BLusk: I can see this group playing even zanier and zanier practical jokes to get their pet-phrase said by Wolfgang each morning.

BLusk: "Shaving cream! SHAVING CREAM!"


BLusk: Of course, if the first word out of his mouth is some character's name... He'd have to say it before every battle that day.

BLusk: "What are you doing in my bed, Credance?"

BLusk: "...oh, that's not Credance. That's just a snake."


Iethloc: This makes me wonder what would happen if I cast Confusion on him in his sleep.

BLusk: You never know around me, Ieth.


Jeysie: Does your character have a hangup about snakes?

BLusk: Not particularly, it's just a common camping prank.

Jeysie: *makes a note not to go camping with BLusk*

BLusk: I don't play pranks like that. But, I've been camping enough...


Iethloc: "Waiter? There's a snake in my soup."

BLusk: "Dang, it's cold in here!"

BLusk: "Good morning, sun."

BLusk: "Did you hear that? It sounded like a bear."


Jeysie: Just remember the phrase is a standard action, though. If you wake up in the morning with a soliloquy to the glory of the sun... that might not work.

BLusk: "Ode to the Morning Sunshine, by Wolfgang Fredericks..."


Jeysie: (Then again, the Bag of Holding isn't described as being able to produce lampposts...)

Jeysie: I don't know why that's the first city-related thing that sprung to mind.

BLusk: We were discussing lamp posts earlier, weren't we?

Jeysie: Not earlier today, but...


BLusk: Now, what would be funnier, is if one day, the activation word for the CLW was tied to the last item pulled out of the Bag of Helping.

BLusk: "Paper drink umbrella!"

Jeysie: Nah, it should be consistent.

BLusk: Agreed. But, still... funny.


BLusk: Alright. I'll debate about what to do with the activation word for the CLW. Although I suspect that "Good morning" "Where's the coffee?" and "You call this swill breakfast?!?" are going to play heavily into the activation words.

BLusk: If he's a deep sleeper, "Leave me alone!" might also occur.